Sorry, but I am feeling a bit down. Going to blog about it...

I guess it is time I did one of these... Sorry to skip a week. I was really busy last weekend, with halloween and all (yeah, they don't really celebrate it here, but we had our own party). I took a train ride 2 1/2 hours away, and basically stayed there all weekend. So I didn't get around to writing a post... sorry.

But that doesn't fully explain the situation, because this past week we had no school. It was our fall break. I did absolutely nothing... So really there is no reason I shouldn't have had a post for you. As messed up as this may sound, I think it is because I am starting to get home sick... Like really bad. And the homesickness makes me want to cut away from all of humanity, so I just shelled up.

I never thought I would get homesick, but that is because I imagined homesickness hitting me differently than it did. I have always thought about homesickness as missing all of the people from home. For me, that isn't it at all. Don't get me wrong, I miss you all, terribly, but that isn't the reason I am so sad all of the sudden. I am feeling homesick not because of what I left behind, but because of what I feel like I am lacking here. I feel less connected to people here than I did in the United States, and that is what saddens me. I don't know if the distinction makes any sense, but there is really no other way I can describe it.

It has alway taken me a long time to get close to people, to make friends. Sure, I can get along with people, but really close friends are hard for me to come by. They are also something that I have come to rely on a lot in the past few years. And suddenly I am here in Belgium, where my only close friends live 2 and a half hours away (other exchange students).

I told one of the girls from school, when she asked why I always looked alone at school, that it was normal for me, in large groups with people I don't know very well, for me to introvert, which is true. But I think I might have been more cheery than I really am feeling... I don't know... The sad thing is it is becoming easier to be cheery around other people.... Ugh, I feel like such a moody teenager, blogging about how no one understands me and how I have no friends... this is pretty sad...

I would hug you cactus.

I don't know. Maybe the problem is just the week off. I had nothing to do for the week, and so I just sat at home... Without much human interaction. Maybe I am just getting used to this, and so when people interrupt my solitude I get sad, even though I need more than anything else for my solitude to be interrupted.

I should really stop now. I am sorry if I depressed your day... I just need to write all of this down, and I needed to write a blog. I am still very grateful to be here in Belgium, and I am really looking forward to the next really happy moment. Because that moment with be amazing in comparison to this bitter period I have stumbled upon. Thank you all for reading this. Please don't think me too emo...

~Weston Halberstadt